So, any problem with that? Where has Zeldankh gone wrong? Or is my satire not relevant?
Zeldankh says:
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Justin, you are a far better player than me but if your philosophy is to "just bid 3NT without a 4 card major" then this bid qualifies as not showing what your opponents might reasonably expect.
Really? When they preempt, the fact that there might be some small set of hand types (many but not all 3325s with no stopper) that some people might prefer to bid 3N with over the double, rather than 4C. Is that what most people would do? I have no idea. But surely the idea is understandable that partner might X 3D with a diamond stopper looking for 4M, and that in that case 3N might be our only game when we don't have a 4 card major. This is bridge logic.
Sure, my partner knows my tendency in that auction, and it is something that we can disclose to the opponents. But this is a perfect example of a situation where if the opponents want to know our tendencies, they can ask. If this were never acceptable, because there is always something we might do that "2 little old ladies from britain" might not do, which may or may not verge on non-standard, you could literally alert every bid.
And what if I did alert. They would ask and I would say doesn't promise a stopper? That would be completely misleading, as at least 90 % of the time I would have a stopper. My partner would never pull 3N fearing no stopper, we'd have no methods to show that we bid 3N with no stopper, and honestly it would be very unlikely to effect what my opponents did.
For instance, you said in response to one case for bidding 3N being they don't always lead a diamond as:
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They will if you alert your 3NT call as not necessarily showing a stopper...
Then that would be a perfect example of how a misleading alert followed by "doesn't promise a stopper" would cause them to overadjust for an unlikely event, because my alert and explanation put undue emphasis on that event.
Again, I will say it is general bridge knowledge that in cramped preempted auctions, sometimes you have to guess whether to bid 3N and hope partner has a stopper, or guess whether to go past 3N. However, those problem hands are a small subset of actual hands.
No doubt if you alerted 3N, your explanation would give the rough percentage of the time you think partner has a stopper, and the rough judgement he will use in determining whether or not to bid 3N.
You really think this is the right course of action? On top of wasting a lot of time, you are undermining the alert system as almost every bid is an alert (which, by definition, makes it more and more useless), you are going to overwhelm your hypothetical little old lady opps and possibly annoy them, on top of basically forcing yourself to teach them about bridge.
Real full disclosure is generally impossible. It is certainly impossible when you are forced to explain everything. It comes closer to occurring in practice when only obviously weird things are alerts, and certain stylistic things/inferential things must be asked about by the opponents when they become relevant. Playing weak NT, I am not going to alert my 1D opener as unbalanced 11+ or 15-19 balanced. However, it frequently becomes a relevant inference in the play later, especially if I'm on defense and declarer has to guess something. Unfortunately, the practicalities of the game put the onus on the declarer to then ask what our NT range is. If he doesn't and assumes strong NT and msiguesses, that's his fault for not asking.
Alerting for doing something that many people would do when they had a small, unlikely set of hands that gives a problem, even if it might or might not be a minority action to our current opponents, is just a really dumb and impractical idea. It would cause literally every 3N bid in competition to be an alert to most good players.
1N 3D 3N - Alert, may not have a stopper.
3S p p 3N - Alert may not have a stopper (xx Ax Ax AKQxxxx.. where do you draw exact lines? Hard to say, but of course you will try!)
1D 2S p p 3N - Alert may not have a stopper.
Etc etc.
I do greatly despise implications with statements like "the opponents will start leading a diamond if you alert." As if by not alerting, we are somehow cheating the opponents. If 10 % of the time the opps held a broken suit for 3D I did not have a stopper, and 40 % of that time, the other opponent didn't have a stopper, and 90 % of that time the suit isn't blocked (partner doesn't have stiff honor), are you really doing well to greatly alter your leading strategy?
Do you think that unless you explain with great care exactly how often that occurs, that the opponent won't overcompensate, and start making worse leads against our entire set of hands? Especially these hypothetical 2 little old ladies from Britain who have no clue about anything?
Would you not feel maybe I had cheated them out of something if they led a diamond from AQJxxxx and out, and I had Kx of diamonds, and a non diamond lead sets me, because of this "alert" and explanation they led a diamond rather than something else?
I suppose the "correct" explanation is after our 1 minute discourse on when we bid 3N without a stopper and the frequencies etc etc (and it would take that long to explain to these flustered old ladies), they would have all the info we have to make the right judgement, and they will be completely rational so what we said will not have significantly impacted them. And again, we go back to being wildly impractical.
Much better is if it actually matters to the opening leader on hand, they can say "do you typically bid 3N without a stopper on the likely problem hands, or 4C." If they can't think to ask that question, they probably will not be benefitting from the alert anyways.
Yes, putting some onus on the defense to ask about inferences that will be relevant to their bid/play/lead is imperfect. But yes, it will dramatically speed up the game because 99 % of inferences don't become relevant later, and there are inferences for just about everything and if an inference is relevant to you you can always just ask.