[Ken50]

One of the adavntages of the internet ( or maybe disadvantages ) is the fact that Dummy can see all the hands, and sometimes things get printed that tend not to be nice and some folks are just too nice to print or think anything bad but I suspect that for a lot of folks involved in online competitive bridge you may fall into this cattagory, I put this together a few days ago, I hope you enjoy. Anatomy of the Perfect Dummy

Bid 4H
Declarer is south
The hands
N-S- AKQJ-H -AQxx-D- xxx-C - J 10
E –S- none –H- Kx- D-QJ10xxx -C -xxxxx
S- S xx -H -J10xxx-D-AKx- C -AQ x
W –S-10xxxxxx-H- xx -D -x -C -Kxx
Lead small diamond won by the Ace

Declarer “This looks good I can use spades to dump losers”
Dummy “It’s an easy one P!”
Declarer “Ok l will just lead a small spade to set things up”
Dummy “What the HELL!”
Declarer “Well that didn’t work, East trumped my Ace”
Dummy “You had to pull TRUMP!!!!!”
Declarer “East just led the QD but that’s ok I’ve got the King!”
Dummy “YOU’RE BLOWING IT!!!!!!!!”
Declarer “ Oh oh could be a problem here, west just trumped my K!!”
Dummy “ YOUR IN BIG DOO DOO P!!!!!!”
Declarer “ Dang west led a spade again, this is not going well!”
Dummy “ TOLD YA!!!!!!!!”
Declarer “Don’t lead a diamond, don’t lead a diamond!!”
Dummy “ HERE COMES THE JD!!!!!!!!!!”
Declarer “ CHIT!!!”
Dummy “CHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Declarer “ I really blew this one, shoulda pulled trump first <sigh> “
Dummy “WE HAD THIS IN THE BAG!!!!!!!!!!!”
Declarer’s Spouse “Not going well dear?”
Declarer “I just played the worst ever and it was makeable, I hope my pard is not mad at me”
Dummy’s Spouse “WHO are you yelling at in there ????”
Dummy “ MY PARD, AND IM PISSED!!!!!!!

Declarer typed “Well that didn’t work, Congrats o enjoyed”
Dummy typed “ gtp, well done o enjoyed”
Declarer typed “So sorry p”
Dummy typed “Not to worry p, it’s only a game , Same time tomorrow?
Declarer typed “You bet p ”

Declarer to Spouse “That why I like my p, never gets mad when I play badly"


KGL

[matmat]

nope. not me. when i play i slide the keyboard far far away from where i can easily reach it.

[jonottawa]

I enjoy bridge a lot more when I don't watch partner declare.

[gwnn]

4♥ by S

---

matmat is a very nice partner, I can attest that

[MattieShoe]

jonottawa, on Dec 11 2009, 10:14 PM, said:

I enjoy bridge a lot more when I don't watch partner declare.

Amen! I always watch though. Glutton for punishment I guess...

[ggwhiz]

From Alfred Sheinwold

"If you have the slightest touch of masochism, you'll love this game".

As a bridge teacher, I'm writing off my entry fees into the individual tournaments as professional development. Watching pard declare a hand can be hilarious in the right frame of mind and with an ample supply of booze.

A nerf brick to throw at the screen helps too.

[Al_U_Card]

To punish and to torment man,
the devil came up with a devious plan.
"I'll make them squeal and squirm" said he,
"and for those trials, they'll pay a fee!"

"No matter what and come what may,
the most afflicted will still play,
unable to satisfy their fix,
by trumping aces and losing tricks."

"And to complete my evil design,
a punishment far from the divine,
to make it all the more hard,
they'll have to play it with a pard!"

[Al_U_Card]

Then from on high, the Almighty said
"Resurrection's not just for the dead!"
"I'll take his game and smooth the bumps
and make the highest bid no trumps!"

"From there I'll make a bidding plan
that involves splinters (not in the hand)
and q-bids to bedevil him so
doubling his own suit, don't you know?"

"Then in the play, plans so sublime
eternity waits, we've got the time.
The queen now found, the trumps are pulled,
the contract made, our game fulfilled."

"End-plays, squeezes, throw-ins, coups,
I hear old Lucifer singing the blues.
So after all is declared and played,
all will be well with what I've made."