[Gerben42]

Here is a very tricky question. You are playing an important teammatch and partner just misdefended in a situation that was really clear, costing a bucket of IMPs. Other than not saying anything to make partner feel even worse, do you have any tips on how to make sure the next board won't be as terrible?

[whereagles]

Belladonna used to say "hum.. I'd probably have played the same way".

[mr1303]

My secret to playing well with Robyn when in Slovakia was to smile very sweetly at her and make some sort of joke about what a stupid game bridge was.

She now says that she really enjoys playing with me. I guess that's progress

[MickyB]

mr1303, on Jul 11 2006, 11:36 AM, said:

My secret to playing well with Robyn when in Slovakia was to smile very sweetly at her and make some sort of joke about what a stupid game bridge was.

She now says that she really enjoys playing with me. I guess that's progress

You never smiled sweetly at me

[pclayton]

Sontag's "The Bridge Bum" has some real good advice on how to handle these situations.

Essentially, try to find some aspect of the defense where you can share in the blame. And be sincere about it. If there clearly isn't anything you could have done, there isn't much to say. However, don't think that you have absolute control over your partner's level of play because you don't. All you can do is be supportive and hope pard gets pard's act together.

Jeff Goldsmith suggests buying your partner a Coke. Don't ask me why.

[inquiry]

pclayton, on Jul 11 2006, 09:37 AM, said:

Jeff Goldsmith suggests buying your partner a Coke. Don't ask me why.

Gosh.. i wish my partners would buy me a coke everytime I misplayed. I could open a coke distributorship. :-)

[Walddk]

pclayton, on Jul 11 2006, 04:37 PM, said:

Essentially, try to find some aspect of the defense where you can share in the blame.

... and the auction too for that matter. fred is the ideal partner in all respects. Not only is a world class player, but he also tries to take some of the blame every time there is the faintest of opportunities - whether it was partner's fault or not.

Those partners are few and far between.

Roland

[badderzboy]

I would reverse the question!

How to ensure partner doesn't tilt after the mistake.

I guess partner knows he made a mistake and he knows u know!

One of my partners would chastise me a little or not so much now as I would tilt for the next few boards when he did and the other would laugh at me in a friendly way saying you don't do that very often...

Guess which one helps the most in recovering composure...

I would lighten the mood a little with the latter and then add don't worry we'll get it back partner and smile.

Bridge is a partnership game and if we can't accept partner making a mistake then play Chess lol but you also need to remember the human aspects too...

Steve

[han]

I tried everything and it just doesn't work. I've thrown pencils at him, told my partner how stupid he is, made jokes about him to the opponents, gave him "bridge for dummies" for his birthday, but he just keeps playing badly. It's hopeless...

[cherdano]

Hannie, on Jul 11 2006, 05:39 PM, said:

I tried everything and it just doesn't work. I've thrown pencils at him, told my partner how stupid he is, made jokes about him to the opponents, gave him "bridge for dummies" for his birthday, but he just keeps playing badly. It's hopeless...

Why should it work? I can use the pencils, appreciate the instructions and jokes, can pass on the book as a present to others, so why should I try to change this?

[inquiry]

Have some of your buddies kidnap their family members and tell him to shape up or they are toast. It almost worked in Firewall, Mission impossible III, and in 24 hours this year, Jack forced the banker was forced to open the bank using the same tired old ploy. Surely it must work for partners then too. (Unless they want to get rid of their family members...maybe a flaw in the plan).

[mikestar]

pclayton, on Jul 11 2006, 02:37 PM, said:

... Jeff Goldsmith suggests buying your partner a Coke. Don't ask me why.

I don't know why Jeff recommends it, but I think it can be useful for two reasons:

1. Buying partner something indicates you have good feelings towards him, mistake notwithstanding.

2. The offer of a Coke (or partner's favorite caffinated beverage) suggests that you think he is tired rather than unskilled. And if in fact tiredness is the reason partner erred, the Coke may actually help.

[han]

inquiry, on Jul 11 2006, 11:04 AM, said:

Have some of your buddies kidnap their family members and tell him to shape up or they are toast. It almost worked in Firewall, Mission impossible III, and in 24 hours this year, Jack forced the banker was forced to open the bank using the same tired old ploy. Surely it must work for partners then too. (Unless they want to get rid of their family members...maybe a flaw in the plan).

I didn't think about kidnapping yet. Do you think that seeing Mission Impossible III might benefit my bridge? Or rather, my partner's bridge.

I haven't seen Firewall or 24 hours either, so much to catch up with..

[Double !]

There is no answer to this question. It is totally partner-dependent.

If playing with one of my female partners, I might just send partner a heart ♥ or two, make some comment about having senior moments (being over 50 does have it's advantages), and announce that rally caps are now in place. And we usually forge some level of a come-back!

Actually, this is a partnership issue that should be dealt with prior to playing in a serious, high-level game. Both members of the partnership need to have mutual faith and respect, a previously determined agreement that what is done is done, we can't change it, and to just move on. Next board, please. And continue to play your game and not push in an effort to get the lost points back. The need that both partners understand that mutual respect continues, even after a disaster, is really very important and can not be understated.

And you know what? It just might happen that the opps later screw up or that you win those points back by good bidding or play a few boards later.

I will only suggest that one should re-assess one's expectations and priorities if one is prone to becoming overly upset or to engaging in poorly modulated behaviors after such misfortune.

DHL


p.s.: I like the idea of a coke. Please make mine Diet Coke. Very often such errors are due to lapses in sustained attention/ concentration (or also, in my case, of memory).

[the saint]

MickyB, on Jul 11 2006, 11:14 AM, said:

mr1303, on Jul 11 2006, 11:36 AM, said:

My secret to playing well with Robyn when in Slovakia was to smile very sweetly at her and make some sort of joke about what a stupid game bridge was.

She now says that she really enjoys playing with me. I guess that's progress

You never smiled sweetly at me

I have a reply to his, but it is somewhat politically incorrect...

[keylime]

Depends on partner with me - with my national pard it's an after-session "what can we do differently?" analyzing the processes leading to the lost of imps. With other pards tho they often know the error and I just nod my head and move on, knowing that to err is human.

[mr1303]

Quote

QUOTE (MickyB @ Jul 11 2006, 11:14 AM)
QUOTE (mr1303 @ Jul 11 2006, 11:36 AM)
My secret to playing well with Robyn when in Slovakia was to smile very sweetly at her and make some sort of joke about what a stupid game bridge was.

She now says that she really enjoys playing with me. I guess that's progress 


You never smiled sweetly at me 


I have a reply to his, but it is somewhat politically incorrect... 

You've really got me guessing as to what it is now Alan

[Free]

I guess giving a coke for every mistake works, because after a few, your partner will be so tired of drinking cokes that he'll fear for new mistakes

Trying to make partner not feel guilty helps a lot imo. Whatever you do with that purpose seems to work: buying some booze, taking blame yourself, shutting up, saying "next",... As long as your partner is relaxed on the next board!

[FrancesHinden]

Apart from the obvious no-telling-off rule I don't think there's much you can do after that board. It's more long term: if you know your partner has respect for you and wants to play bridge with you in spite of the fact that occasionally you do something very stupid, then you won't be so phased by the odd error. If you know that there's going to be a huge row after the session every time you screw up, then you become nervous and play worse.

[Double !]

Free, on Jul 12 2006, 06:29 AM, said:

I guess giving a coke for every mistake works, because after a few, your partner will be so tired of drinking cokes that he'll fear for new mistakes

I see..

So your recommendation is adversive conditioning and induced anxiety.
Got it. Does it matter whether or not it's Coke or Pepsi?

DHL