[helene_t]

"When an honour is moved from one player to his partner, the loss in won tricks for one side equals the value of that honour move (measured in number of winnable tricks) for the other side".
- Archimedes, on the law of total tricks

"Every new conventional disruptive methods is countered by an equally effective defense against that method"
- Isaac Newton

"Don't disrupt my relay sequence"
- Pythagoras

"Some guys would do anything for an overtrick"
- Olivia Newton-John, on matchpoint players

"If declarer ruffs the suit you lead, play another suit next time"
- Jesus Christ

"The play is the continuation of the bidding, with other means"
- Klausewitz

"No, I don't believe we can make it. But I've heard that it works even if you don't believe it"
- Niels Bohr, after he raised his partner's weak two to game

[Chamaco]

"All is lost, except the honor"-French King Francis I, after underleading an Ace at suit contract

[helene_t]

"The possession of high cards allows declarer to make extra profit from his low cards. Thus ensuring his contract, he can get the even higher game bonus for the next contract. But he also becomes vulnerable, and the poor pair, having little to loose, get an extra motivation to double his future contracts. Eventually, declarer's privileged position will lead to his collapse"
- Karl Marx

[inquiry]

"Slams are better than games, if only for points scored"
-Woody Allen

"I spent a year playing bridge with him one Sunday"
-George Burns

What does it mean to play a pre-deal hand? You get to play a hand before it is dealt?
-George Carlin

Start every hand off with a smile and get it over with.
-W. C. Fields

I refuse to join any table that would have me as a player.
-Groucho Marx


Two things are infinite: the universe and my partners stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
-Albert Einstein

You're only has good as your last hand
Fran Lebowitz

There is no sadder sight than a young pessimistic bridge player.
Mark Twain

It is the mark of an expert mind to be able to entertain a splinter bid without making it.
Aristotle

[GeeGee]

Is this the right room for an argument?

Monty Python

[Al_U_Card]

GeeGee, on Oct 4 2005, 09:19 AM, said:

Is this the right room for an argument?

Monty Python

Told you once.....

[Walddk]

Basil: "What's your excuse for not returning a spade"?
Manuel: "I am from Barcelona".
Basil: "Apology accepted".
Manuel: "Que"?

[Al_U_Card]

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
even tho the bidding here is something quite atrocious....

Mary Poppins at her weekly game .....

[kenberg]

I believe it would be improper for me to describe how I might bid in a hand that might come before me in the future--- A supreme court nominee asked to divulge his bidding methods

[Winstonm]

You partenr.....she likes photograhphy.....I bet she does. I bet she does. Nudge. Nudge. Wink. Wink.

Monty Python

[Winstonm]

Louie, this looks like the start of a beautiful parnership.

Humphrey Bogart
(Casablanca)

[mikeh]

"I beseech you, in the bowels of Christ, consider that you may be wrong"

Oliver Cromwell to Charles I, in the post-mortem

[Winstonm]

It was the best of slams; it was the worst of slams.
It was a slam of reason; it was a slam of foolishness.

Charles Dickens
(Viewgraph comments on Garozzo/Belladonna bidding to 7C against Eisenberg/Kantar.)

[mycroft]

Sorry about the length, I couldn't resist. It's amazing how little I had to change. What's really worrisome is how accurate some of it is - without the changes.

WBFLC Systems Working Group                       M. Farebrother, Editor
Request for Comments: 1925                                           BBO
Category: Informational                                     1 April 2005

                      The Twelve Bidding System Truths

Status of this Memo

   This memo provides information for the Bridge community.  This memo
   does not specify an Bridge standard of any kind.  Distribution of
   this memo is unlimited.

Abstract

   This memo documents the fundamental truths of bidding systems for the
   Bridge community. This memo does not specify a standard, except in
   the sense that all standards must implicitly follow the fundamental
   truths.

Acknowledgements

   The truths described in this memo result from extensive study over an
   extended period of time by many people, some of whom did not intend
   to contribute to this work. The editor merely has collected these
   truths, and would like to thank the systems design community for
   originally illuminating these truths.

1. Introduction

   This Request for Comments (RFC) provides information about the
   fundamental truths underlying all bidding. These truths apply to
   bidding in general, and are not limited to SAYC, the Strong Club,
   or any other subset of the bridge community.

2. The Fundamental Truths


   (1)  It Has To Work.

   (2)  No matter how hard you push and no matter what the priority,
        you can't increase the speed of thought.

        (2a) (corollary). No matter how hard you try, there are only 36
             bidding steps. Trying to use more *might* make for slower
             bidding, but it won't make it happen any quicker.

   (3)  With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. However, this is
        not necessarily a good idea. It is hard to be sure where they
        are going to land, and it could be dangerous sitting under them
        as they fly overhead.

   (4)  Some things in life can never be fully appreciated nor
        understood unless experienced firsthand. Some things in
        bidding can never be fully understood by someone who neither
        builds serious bidding systems nor has an operational
        high-level partnership.

   (5)  It is always possible to aglutenate multiple separate conventions
        into a single complex interdependent system. In most cases
        this is a bad idea.

   (6)  It is easier to move a problem around (for example, by moving
        the problem to a different part of the overall system
        architecture) than it is to solve it.

        (6a) (corollary). It is always possible to add another level of
             transfers.

   (7)  It is always something.

        (7a) (corollary). Good, Fast, Simple: Pick any two (you can't
            have all three).

   (8)  It is more complicated than you think.

   (9)  For all resources, whatever it is, you need more.

       (9a) (corollary) Every system failure always takes longer to
            solve than it seems like it should.

   (10) One size never fits all.

   (11) Every old idea will be proposed again with a different name and
        a different presentation, regardless of whether it works.

        (11a) (corollary). See rule 6a.

   (12) In system design, perfection has been reached not when there
        is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take
        away.

Security Considerations

   This RFC raises no unauthorized information. However, convention
   regulations are subject to the fundamental bidding truths.

References

   The references have been deleted in order to protect the guilty and
   avoid enriching the lawyers.

Apologies to:
   Ross Callon
   Internet Order of Old Farts
   c/o Bay Networks
   3 Federal Street
   Billerica, MA  01821

Author's Address

   Michael Farebrother
   Boilerplate Bidding Organization
   One Club Plaza
   16 Precision Way,
   Las Vegas.

[Al_U_Card]

Ahhhhh-eyahhhh-eyahhhhhh-eyahhhhhhh.....

Tarzan to Jane, upon seeing her hand as dummy.

[ack_hh]

The Heisenberg uncertainty principle, sometimes called the Heisenberg indeterminacy principle (a title prefered by Niels Bohr), expresses a limitation on accuracy of (nearly) simultaneous measurement of observables such as the shape and the strength of a hand.

[ack_hh]

Once in a local club:

Player1: You should have taken opps' second diamond trick!
Player2: I couldn't.
Player1: We could have set that 3 NT if you'd only took that trick!
Player2: I couldn't.
Player1: Why didn't you overtake declarer's second diamond card?
Player2: I couldn't - it was the ace of diamonds.
Player1: ...
Player1: ... then you should have used the cardinal of diamonds.

[Winstonm]

Al_U_Card, on Oct 4 2005, 09:33 AM, said:

GeeGee, on Oct 4 2005, 09:19 AM, said:

Is this the right room for an argument?

Monty Python

Told you once.....

No, you didn't.

[Winstonm]

Last night someone broke in and stole all the computer dealt hands and replaced them with exact replicas.

Sephen Wright

[Winstonm]

As God it is my witness, I'll never go set again!

Scarlett O'Hara