[A2003]

What are the kind words to use to prevent argument at the table with the partner?

What are the kind words to use when opponents uses facial expression or card
snapping at the table?

[aguahombre]

sometimes, perfectly phrased kind words are still worse than silence.

[kenberg]

The other night, after numerous attempts to get my lho opponent to stop talking, I loudly told him to shut up. This is probably not the advice you are seeking.

Calmness, and I like to think I almost always remain calm, often works well. For example, when a partner recently wanted to make suggestions about my bidding I calmly told him I thought it would be best if we held our discussions to the meaning of bids and bidding sequences and not get into our evaluations of each others choices. This makes sense as advice and he saw it as such.

Another technique I have used is to just calmly state a truth: All this jabbering takes time. First there is the time of jabbering, and then there is the time that I may have to take to get re-focused. I intend to wait until the jabbering stops, and then I intend to take the time that I need to regain my focus. I'll be happy to explain to the director if need be why we did not finish the round on time.

But some people are immune to reasonable approaches. Sarcasm might work. Once with a card snapper I mentioned to my partner that we really needed to learn how to do this, and then I asked my rho just how it is done. I explained that I was really hoping to become skilled at the game and since snapping the cards was obviously an important part of the game I would appreciate any assistance he could give me in mastering this technique. This doesn't actually work, but it might give you some satisfaction. Or not.

The loud shut up of the other night was my first for at least twenty years. The guy was as annoying as hell and I just lost it. But usually I just stay calm and perhaps say something, usually not. There is no magic bullet. Well, a bullet might help, but you will get in trouble.

[awm]

Here are a few I've heard or used with various partners:

(1) Partner asks why I made some unfortunate bid or play. "Because I'm an idiot."

(2) Partner starts telling me why I shouldn't have made some unfortunate bid or play. "You're telling me something I already know."

(3) Partner starts apologizing or over-analyzing a hand. "It's just unlucky."

As for card-snapping, apparently the appropriate thing to do is to scream "Ouch!" as loudly as possible whenever it occurs. If anyone complains about this, explain that you have very sensitive hearing.

[matmat]

turn to the card-snapper's partner and ask whether the nature of the noise is part of their signaling methods.

[georgeac]

To avoid discussion/arguing about a board i ask partner to mark it on scorecard so we can discuss later.

[Jlall]

Just don't talk. It takes 2 to argue lol. If the opps are arguing I never say anything. If my partner is trying to pick a fight with me and I don't want to fight I just stay silent and pull my cards for the next hand.

[pirate22]

one assumes this is live bridge??? let opps argue we keep silent,they lose their concentration,
my pard have an arrangement,if a wheel falls of,or a mis defence.we both mark our card with an x and discuss the slip up later,again keeps our concentration going.

reference card snapping "ouch" super response,
card snappers think they are showing their superiority,to the opps and impressing their partner,they are in control of the defence,"poppycock" they are nervous
regards

[blackshoe]

pirate22, on Nov 5 2009, 01:26 AM, said:

card snappers think they are showing their superiority,to the opps and impressing their partner,they are in control of the defence,"poppycock" they are nervous
regards

On the few occasions when I have snapped my cards, I don't even realize I've done it until somebody complains - usually impolitely. Perhaps such people might benefit from the thought that the rest of the world was not put here just to piss them off.

[pirate22]

To add to card snapping --watch the experts top players,live "one never sees this happening" card snapping comes about as i previously stated,mostly from Rubber bridge for money,have you ever watched german card spiel,their knuckles,are also bruised when their hand hits the table then exposing the card they play

[Trinidad]

Question 1:

A2003, on Nov 5 2009, 12:37 AM, said:

What are the kind words to use to prevent argument at the table with the partner?

Preferred action: "".
Logical alternative: "".


Question 2:

A2003, on Nov 5 2009, 12:37 AM, said:

What are the kind words to use when opponents uses facial expression or card snapping at the table?

Preferred action: "".
Logical alternative: "I would like to call the director please."

Rik

[Free]

Quote

What are the kind words to use to prevent argument at the table with the partner?

""
"I'm sorry"
If you are getting attacked: "lets discuss this afterwards, nothing we say now will change the result of the previous/this board, but might ruin this/the next one as well"

Quote

What are the kind words to use when opponents uses facial expression or card snapping at the table?

I just ignore this, it's useless to react. Most of the time these are poor players anyway, so who cares...

[andy_h]

Silence is golden. Although I do know that sometimes can tick off people even more.

[kenberg]

If I may add another word:

Think through your own objectives and be realistic. Repeat to your self: I cannot control other people and it is not my responsibility to do so. Your objective, I suggest, is to not let it get to you so that it either destroys your concentration or brings you to say something that you will regret. That does not necessarily mean that you must always remain silent although I agree with the many who advocate it on general principles. When you are faced with truly annoying people who absolutely show no sign of bringing their chattering to an end, sometimes I find it useful to say something as sort of a safety valve measure. It's best not to get accusatory. Maybe something such as "I really am findnig it difficult to focus on the hand, if we could wait until the hands are played to talk I would appreciate it" might be it. The object is not so much to gt them to stopo. Recall you cannot control other people. The object is to speak your mind briefly calmly, and then get back to your own cards.

We all have to cope with such people as best we can. As a child I wasn't a tattle, and I still find it difficult to call a director to complain about rudeness at the table, although that certainly is a legitimate option. I just try to do what is necessary to stay calm. If I say something, I try very hard to make it clear, polite, and to the point, and then I let it go. If they continue to chatter, I can usually tune it out.

[dicklont]

A2003, on Nov 5 2009, 01:37 AM, said:

What are the kind words to use to prevent argument at the table with the partner?

1. You are right
2. ""
3. I'll post hand hand on the BBO forum, then we'll have some experts opinions to discuss.

[Fluffy]

I tried to tell partner: I love you. It didn't work, it started another stupid arguing itself

[suprgrover]

Quote

What are the kind words to use to prevent argument at the table with the partner?

Let's talk about this after the session.

Quote

What are the kind words to use when opponents uses facial expression or card
snapping at the table?

About facial expression, that's a tough one, because lots of players think they have poker faces. If I knew the grimacer, I might talk with them in private later.

About card snapping, in my experience most card snappers do it out of habit. Saying politely, "Please try not to snap the cards" usually helps a lot, although "ouch" might work as well.

[Elianna]

suprgrover, on Nov 5 2009, 05:57 AM, said:

Saying politely, "Please try not to snap the cards" usually helps a lot, although "ouch" might work as well.

It only works if you yell it loud enough so the tables around you can hear.

I hate card snapping, and what I call "after snapping". This is AFTER the person has managed to place the card on the table, and then starts snapping it. So annoying. Usually I say nothing, except if it's a newish deck, then I say something about wanting to ruin the deck, and leave it at that. These people are NEVER going to change, no matter what's said to them, so I don't bother saying anything most of the time.

About getting partner to stop arguing/lecturing, OP has gotten some GREAT advice. I particularly endorse Justin's "It takes two to tango" approach. If that's not enough (and I had a partner one time where that wasn't enough, "You are lecturing me on something that I told you, therefore I already know it", in a very flat, unemotional tone worked wonders. "I need to concentrate on the rest of the game" sometimes works, too.

The trick is to deliver lines like this UNEMOTIONALLY. You're not joining in the argument, nor trying to deliver the last comeback. You're trying to distract the person and change the subject/tone.

[barmar]

I doubt there's much that can be done about card snappers. Most of the people I see doing it are elderly (of course, that's true of bridge players in general...), and I figure they've been doing it all their lives. I don't harbor any expectation that my reaction will change a longstanding habit like this.

[Phil]

In an important event my partner WILL NOT say anything to me after a hand and vice versa. This is part of our pre-game planning. A polite warning will be followed by a not-so-polite one during the session.

In an event that "doesn't matter", I will be the one doing most of the chirping

Re: snapping. I think that this is part of the Audrey Grant ♣ series. (JK!), because every new player seems to do this. And why is it that when I get a snapper I am playing with a brand new deck of Hamiltons or Kems on a vinyl tablecover?