aguahombre, on Sep 17 2009, 10:38 PM, said:
dont mess with my Starbucks.
I'm not going to mess with your starbucks. All I want to do is to make sure everyone can afford starbucks. It seems wildly unfair that many people have to settle for lesser coffee or even no coffee at all. What I propose, therefore, is simply that the government take over starbucks and make the coffee, which will be just as good, if not better, than the old starbucks. However, now starbucks will be free.
I mean, sure. The lines might be really long, but lines are long at starbucks now anyway. Plus, although you might have to fill out more forms as to what you type of coffee you want, rather than simply telling people, that will create new jobs for people.
Don't be alarmed by the people who claim that your coffee will get cold while the paperwork is delivered to the "coffee is ready" announcer union. They are just anti-union. Also, don't listen to the people who say that you won't get cream in your coffee, they are just racists; that complaint if obviously a veiled effort to race bait -- "I like my coffee like I like my women" is so obviously the undertone here, according to Jimmy.
Also, think how green this will be. Instead of simply handing out new cups for every person, we would require people to buy starbucks cups and bring them with them. How hard is that? We'd save tons of trees. Or, we could make people buy carbon credits from those who do have returnable cups, to cash in those credits for paper cups if they so elect.
I predict that this who idea will actually create or save 100,000 starbucks jobs. Sure, we'd have to shut down all but one or two starbucks locations in each major town, and sure that would seem to mean laying off tons of people, but I estimate that starbucks would go bankrupt if we don't do this, so we actually will save all of these 100,000 jobs. Starbucks is simply too big to fail, you see.
Of course, closing all of these starbucks will be hard. However, I have any easy solution for this, which is obvious. We get owners of starbucks building to sell the buildings to the government, who will destroy the buildings and create parks. The owners will take the money they got from selling these properties and buy coffee at the new starbucks locations, which we will have to expand for the extra load they will experience, plus the extra paperwork people and inspectors' offices. But, this will create JOBS, will create more GREEN SPACE, and will only cost a few billion dollars.
I propose that we make Squeaky Fromme the new Starbucks Czar to head all of this up.
"Gibberish in, gibberish out. A trial judge, three sets of lawyers, and now three appellate judges cannot agree on what this law means. And we ask police officers, prosecutors, defense lawyers, and citizens to enforce or abide by it? The legislature continues to write unreadable statutes. Gibberish should not be enforced as law."
-P.J. Painter.