[helene_t]

Sorry I know it's bad taste to make fun of newbies but this auction last monday at the club was just too funny.

S W N
1♣   Alert

W: hey it is not your turn!
N: I am just alerting my partner's opening
W: What does that mean?
N: blahblahblah
W: I see

S   W
1♣ 1NT

W: This is 12-14, right?
S: No, it's an overcall, that is after opponents opened, 1NT shows 16-18
W: I see. What can I bid then?
S: Blahblahblah
W: Thanks

S   W   N
1♣ X   X

S: Hey you can't do that!
N: Oh sorry

S   W   N   E
1♣ X   XX P

E: I have only one point so I must pass.
S: No that is not necessarily correct. Blahblahblah

S   W   N   E
1♣ X   XX 2♣

S: No, clubs is the suit your partner has not promised, better bid one of the other suits if you have a preference

S   W   N   E
1♣ X   XX P
P   P

S: Hey this means you are going to defend 1♣ redoubled, do you really want to do that? Your partner's pass does not necessarily show clubs. Better bid a suit.

S   W   N   E
1♣ X   XX P
P   2♣

S: No if clubs is really your only suit you might as well defend 1♣, 7 tricks are easier than 8!

S   W   N   E
1♣ X   XX P
P   P

1♣XX making 9 tricks.