[jjsb]

ok i let u go there , bulletins number 6 page 5 (article on spousal bridge). if then after all that u want to play bridge with ur lover one just know that u should be carefull )) enjoy reading it eheh.

regards
syl

[Cascade]

Where is this bulletin?

TIA

Wayne

[jjsb]

i just go back , not sure why my copy and paste didnt work , very strange , anyway , here he is back , hope this time it's ok :

http://www.abf.com.a...ocs/contsum.htm

regards
syl

[slothy]

I have to say syl that playing bridge with my wife, retrospectively, was not that pleasant an experience for several reasons....

1) she was not as passionate about the game as i was and could not understand why i got upset (especially with myself in a perverted masochistic self-flagellating sort of way)...or got disproportionately excited when i played a hand technically well (or so i thought) ....

2) i think that unless you have colossal self-control, it is so much easier to express your emotions with your spouse in a way that you would not normally do with a partner you are not involved with....in fact, it is so gleamingly obvious that it is best to bite your lip and forget about it as you have to go home with this person at the end of the nite and try and co-habit to the best of your abilities without a bidding-box next to you and a convention to remember..but you ALWAYS have to say something which happens to be the most inappropriate thing to say and one she reads, more often than not, an encyclopeadia of innuendo and unintentional invective into.....

3) nothing for this point...just that psychologists say always good to have odd number of points...sort of mental Feng Shui....

Needless to say we are no longer married...and a mutual friend told me that she refuses to socialise at all with a colleague who happens to be a bridge buff ))) citing that she trembles whenever she sees a bridge hand written down

[Free]

Years ago, the first thing my bridge teacher ever said was "NEVER play with your wife, it causes divorses!". Since then, I've heard several story's of people who played with their wifes and thought it was awful (and vice versa, so it's not only women which are bad ). Some even stopped playing bridge because of it... Lucky my girlfriend isn't interested in bridge, so I won't get that problem ever

[slothy]

Free, on Mar 21 2004, 07:49 PM, said:

Years ago, the first thing my bridge teacher ever said was "NEVER play with your wife, it causes divorses!".  Since then, I've heard several story's of people who played with their wifes and thought it was awful .....

I have to say Free that this advice is well worth taking on board....

May i say though, it may be even wiser to extend this philosophy to indulge in NO competitive sport/past-time whatsoever with a loved one this includes

1) Scrabble,
2) Trivial Pursuit
3) especially Sumo wrestling

('spin the bottle' is the only game i can imagine that would have a fruitful outcome).

Any scenario where you can pass judgement, however un/justified it may be, and for this to be misinterpreted, as 85% of the time it usually is!! is best avoided. Men are From Mars and Women are from Venus is an apt and unfortunately true theoretical model of this Man Woman thing ...

Well thought it was worth giving my humble opinion...

....Happily spinning in my planetary orbit.....

[aisha759]

I have seen many couples (husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend) playing bridge together, and still managing a healthy relationship.
From my own analysis, i have found that when the parntership is at equal skill level there tend to be more problems, and arguments, because most of the time one thinks they know more than the other (and its usually the male )..
On the other hand, when a partnership is not formed that way, but more of a mentor/student level, and the mentor has a diplomatic way of explaining his/her partner's mistakes, then I don't see how any comment can be taken in a demeaning way... i.e no capps when angry no why???? no exclamation marks!!!!
Some good words of encouragement, like a "wdp" or even "vvvvvvwdp" could do a lot of good
In return, the lesser skilled player (student) should trust his/her mentor, and not take advantage of their "couple" relationship by dismissing their explanation, and taking every comment as an insult
I think a couple is lucky to have an extra hobby they are able to share together..they should both use self control, and discipline in the way they react to each other during the game, and try to discuss things in a manner which will improve their bridge... and not in a manner which will destroy their relationship..

My mentor has a lot of self control, and is very passionate about the game.... i just don't look at his face when i make a mistake, and avoid looking at him when he gets angry at himself (which is worse than when he is angry at me)..
There is nothing wrong in saying "sorry" either
Moral of the day:
Couples CAN play bridge together..

[aisha759]

I normally dont like adding to my own replies, buttttt this is a very special case.... nobody argued my point, not even my mentor, how disappointing is that???
I guess you all either agree with me, or this is just too boring to even answer, either way, very very sad

[spwdo]

hi aisha,

i tottaly agree with your replie, as for your question, i think all are afraid what alex is going to say next




marc♥♥♥

[aisha759]

How many days did it take for this answer.... thx mark for agreeing; but even if you hadnt, at least i would have had a reply.... and yes, be afraid, be very afraid of what Alex is going to say next

[slothy]

dont be afraid, my child....as for Marc, he would agree with everything you say, whether he believed it or not.. man thing ....

it has taken me so long to respond as i have had to stitch together this effigy and go to the haberdashery to buy some needles

but it is all in place now and dangling merrily (the effigy i mean)...

i feel obliged to respond in bullet form (taken literally or otherwise hee hee), retaining the Feng Shui principle, of course, of using an odd number of bullets..

1) it is virtually impossible to dismiss the fact that you are emotionally involved with the person, as a couple, you are playing with...and this naturally alters the dynamics of ANY interaction you have at the table!! - any change in temperament, because of 'mistake'/'misunderstanding' tends to spill over...

It is quite ironic too...if a pair do EXTREMELY well together they start behaving like a pair of teenage lovers again (and the man goes to the toilet and secretly rings his lawyer to abort the divorce proceeding he filed 2 days before..)

I think it is done because, as i mentioned in a parallel post, we fallaciously think we can get away with it and that it is feasible to do so Now some couples can play together but only because the man is too afraid to say anything and knows he will be sleeping on the couch for 3 weeks if he does 'play up'...(please take this tongue-in-cheek [its 4 weeks if especially severe] ).

2) I have too known couples who do play together...but i do find that either
a) they communicate very well OFF the table and cannot say a bad word about the other because they worship the ground the other walks on [these are recognisable by the fact that the man can often be seen in the crouching position kissing the woman's feet]
b ) they have established ground rules that they have to adhere to -and experience tells me they rarely do [these are recognisable by the fact that the man has a sign cellotaped to his forehead with the inscription "Hit me on the head with a shillelagh if i DARE say anything non-constructive to the witch sat opposite me"]
c) the husband wears a hearing-aid and surreptitiously turns it off before entering the bridge-room -further enhanced if the wife is a mute [these are recognisable by the fact that the man continues looking at his cards and ignores you when you ask him to explain his bid and his wife just starts waving her hand frantically in the air with hand-gestures in a similar fashion to a person trying to swat a rather acrobatic mosquito]
d) they are desperately in love and cant find anything more exciting to do together other than play bridge [these are recognisable by the fact they call each other 'kutchy-wutchy', 'slushy puppy' or 'MY tarzan', incredibly remember each others birthdays, hold hands as they walk between tables, and the woman gets homicidal when the man smiles at a female opponent]

3) difficult to discuss bridge hands or have a prognosis AFTER the bridge game is finished with a couple...women INSIST that the men write the hands down on paper as they seem to struggle to picture 13 objects in their head - and then they INSIST that the man writes it out AGAIN as they cant read his writing and then they get hysterically angry when he only writes down 12 cards as he is seething by now and the triple scotch he ordered (before the drive started in anticipation) is affecting his basic numeracy skills....

4) i ALWAYS say wdp when my p plays a hand well....although there are times when the 'w' key mysteriously gets jammed and i cant write it...what i say when she plays it badly depends on the number of triples scotches i had...

5) Nothing wrong in saying sorry...as long as you have your fingers crossed if you say it and you dont really mean it

Alex

Hope this has enlightened you as to my views on couple bridge...

Moral of the day: (contributed originally by aisha but in a very unconvincing tone of font)
Couples CAN play bridge together.. (and with equal veracity Norway will win the eurovision song contest)

This is exactly what Bert said when he started playing with Cheryl. He was on his SIXTH (bridge-related) marriage by now ))

PS As for responding to your own posts, sometimes it is the only way to get responses


PPS Oooopps forgot to mention...Cherly is Bert's SEVENTH wife

[aisha759]

Quote

Moral of the day: (contributed originally by aisha but in a very unconvincing tone of font)
Couples CAN play bridge together.. (and with equal veracity Norway will win the eurovision song contest)

Glad you agree slothy, even though i dont understand what was so unconvincing about my post and what is it with you and Norway????? Turkey is going to win eurovision song contest!!!