[helium]

slothy, on May 4 2004, 06:38 PM, said:

Playing in a tourney,

Aisha: i got bad connection here all. Might get disconnected

Opp: OK but we nearly finished

Aisha gets disconnected. Opps gettting nervous and the lady opp says we wont finish......Think is is time to start talking...

Opp: You think aisha coming back Slothy. Shall we call host?

Slothy: Give her a few minutes...she runs out of coal sometimes to fuel the computer...

Opp: OK. We wont FINISH!!

(thinking this hand a top anyway, might try and make it amusing...)

Slothy: Oh My GOd. She just phoning me. There is a man trying to break into her house!!!!

Opp: Oh no!!!

Slothy: Yesss, its the postman apparently!!!

Slothy: The postman has forced himself into her house, hit the Rottwieller over the head with a wholemeal baguette, and forced her at gun-point to lick her stamp for a letter he gave her !! Do you think i should call the police?

Opp: Sorry dont understand much. Is she is in danger??? (Me: sorry i couldnt believe this remark; seems i got her hooked....Gonna milk this)

Slothy: Well, it is quite a large stamp and her tongue isnt that big, although by the amount she talks you would have thought differently.

Slothy: Going back to your previous remark, I dont know about Aisha, but this contract is in danger!!! Oh noooooo, she is screaming down the phone now!!!! She is screaming something like "Tra fishq ma na allah. " Geez i wish she wouldn't scream in Arabic when she is in a life-threatening situation...

Opp: Do you speak Arabic?

Slothy: Only a bit, but hard to understand somebody when their tongue is covered in adhesive gum....I think she is shouting something like "The King of spades is with West!!!". Out of curiousity, is she correct?

Opp: OK you are joking!!! Please play....

Slothy: Oh my God!!! there is a funny sound on the phone....seems like the Rottwieler is eating the mobile phone!!! Theres a thhwwaaah thwwaaaaah grtteeettrr klump brrrr brrr sound...Dont want this Rottwiler to choke..she only bought it 3 weeks ago....DOWN Rover DOWN, let go let go, nice boy......

Opp: Please play!!!! There is only 5 minutes. I cant beleive this!!

Slothy: I cant believe she called it Rover too. She hasn't got much of an imagination huh?

Slothy: No problem, only 4 cards to play....anyway Aisha to play. Have you heard a Rottwieler chewing a mobile, <opp name>. It is quite interesting. Sounds like the opening of a EMINEM rap song (a white guy in dungerees for thos who arent generationally aware)

Aisha: Back, sorry, i got disconnected.

Slothy: How is the Rottwieler?

Aisha: Huh.

Slothy: Claim all tricks opp

.....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[luke warm]

and he does that stuff on the fly... you'd swear he writes some of it down ahead of time

[rigour6]

Player: Adj Bd please, opps no bid
Me: Which board please?
Player: Board 3, Opps no bid and we down 3
Me: Ok I will review. Continue play please. (my standard answer, plus at this point I am thinking "what the hell?")
(after I watch the movie)
Me: Bd 3 looks Ok to me. What's your feeling?
Player: Has 15 Pts but doesn't bid when p bids.
Me: Yes, it looks like a trap pass to me.
Player: But opp did not alert that pass was trap pass.

Hmmmmmmmm.


Player: I need adj pls
Me: Which board please?
Player: Not board, I need adj of partner.
Me: I feel your pain.

[rigour6]

From a tournament I was playing and and TDing:


Rigour6: Hi guys, I am playing, so can't come to tables. Is there a problem at Tables 1 and 6?

(pause)

Rigour6: Whoops, I am at Table 6. So obviously that is what the problem is here.

(longer pause)

Rigour6: I am not at Table 6. I promise to quit drinking and TDing.

[luke warm]

slothy, on Mar 22 2004, 01:38 AM, said:

i can say that each time was a nightmare of Kafkaesque proportions....

kaf who?