[mike777]

Today's Spanish Lesson
>
>
>
> A Spanish teacher
> was explaining to her class
> that in Spanish, unlike English,
> nouns are designated as either
> masculine or feminine.
>
> "House"
> for instance,
> is feminine:
> "la casa."
>
> "Pencil,"
> however,
> is masculine:
> "el lapiz."
>
> A student asked,
> "What gender is 'computer'?"
>
> Instead of giving the answer,
> the teacher split the class into two groups,
> male and female,
> and asked them to decide
> for themselves whether
> "computer" < /FONT>
> should be
> a masculine or a feminine noun.
>
> Each group was asked
> to give four reasons
> for its recommendation.
>
> The men's group decided that
> "computer"
> should definitely be
> of the feminine gender
> ("la computadora"),
> because:
> 1. No one but their creator
> understands their internal logic;
>
> 2. The native language
> they use to communicate
> with other computers is
> incomprehensible to everyone else;
>
> 3. Even the smallest mistakes
> are stored in long term memory
> for possible later retrieval; and
>
> 4. As soon as you make
> a commitment to one,
> you find yourself spending
> half your paycheck
> on accessories for it.
>
>
>
> The women's group,
> however, concluded
> that computers should be Masculine
> ("el computador"), < /FONT>
> because:
> 1. In order to do anything
> with them,
> you have to turn them on;
>
> 2. They have a lot of data
> but still can't think for themselves;
>
> 3. They are supposed
> to help you solve problems,
> but half the time
> they ARE the problem; and
>
> 4. As soon as you commit to one,
> you realize that if you
> had waited a little longer,
> you could have gotten
> a better model.
>
> The women won.
>

[Rain]

How many thread views will a "clean and funny" joke title generate? 2 so far =P

[mike777]

Ya I see suicide got 1000% more hits than clean and funny.

[macaw]

Rural living humour:

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home. While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?" The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot." The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?" "Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time." The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?" The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?" The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."

[mike777]

A lawyer and a retiree are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer asks if the retiree would like to play a fun game. The retiree is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, that the game is a lot of fun. "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.

This catches the retiree¹s attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The retiree doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket pulls out a five- dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the retiree¹s turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer uses his laptop, searches all references. He uses the Airphone; he searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail.

After one hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the retiree and hands him $500. The retiree pockets the $500 goes right back to sleep. The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the retiree up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
The retiree reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[bid_em_up]

Lawyer sits down on a plane. Aisle seat. Takes off his shoes, makes himself comfortable. He sees from the magazines the other two guys in his row are reading that they're both doctors. He introduces himself and explains that he is a lawyer. After the plane takes off, he says, "I'm going to the back of the plane, can I get you guys a Coke?" The doctor in the middle seat says, "Sure, thanks."

While the lawyer is gone, the doctor in the middle seat picks up one of the lawyer's shoes and spits in it. Lawyer comes back, gives the doctor the Coke.

A while later he says to the other doctor, "How about I grab you a Coke?" Doctor says, "OK, I appreciate it." While the lawyer is gone, the doctor in the middle seat picks up the lawyer's other shoe and spits in it. Lawyer comes back, gives the other doctor the Coke.

The plane is about to land, and the lawyer slips his shoes on. He notices something funny. He puts two and two together and says, "Guys, this silly rivalry between our two professions has to stop. We need to work together rather than playing all these pranks on each other. You know--spitting in shoes, peeing in Cokes...."

[GeeGee]

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore, she kept staring at him.

She finally overtook him at the checkout, And she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease, it's just that you look so much like my late son."

He answered, "That's okay."

"I know it's silly," the old lady replied, "but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mum" as I leave the store, It would make me feel so happy."

She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mum." The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.

Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries. "That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.

"How come so much? I only bought 5 items!"

The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."

Don't always trust everything little old ladies tell you!

(I find that's true in bridge as well,

Geoff)