[Gpm_bg]

If someone have interesting jokes or stories, please share them

I found that translation of some common phrases about what women says and what really they want to tell exactly:

"Yes" = No
"No" = Yes
"Maybe" = I'll ask Mum
"I'm sorry" = You'll sorry
"We need" = I need
"That's your decision" = The correct decision is obviously
"Do what you want" = You'll gonna pay later
"We have to talk" = I have to complaint
"Ofcourse! ..do it." = I don't want to do it
"I'm not angry" = Ofcourse, that i'm angry moron
"You are...so manly" = You look like a monkey, you should to shave and beside that you stink.
"You are very gentle tonight" = Don't you think for anything else except to get laid tonight ?
"Be romantic, turn off the lights" = I'm a little fat
"The kitchen is so uncomfortable" = I want new house
"I want new curtains" = ...and carpets, and furnitures and wall-papers...
"Hang the picture over there" = NO, I told you to hang up OVER THERE!
"I heard a noice" = I just want you know, that you was almost asleep
"Do you love me?" = I'll want to buy me something really expensive
"How much do you love me?" = Today i did something, which i'm afraid that you won't like it
"I'll be ready after a minute" = Take off your shoes and look for something interesting on TV, while you waiting for me
"Don't you think that i'm a little fat?" = Tell me, that i'm gorgeous
"You should to teach how to talk with people" = Just agree with me
"Do you hear what i'm talking to you!?" = [It's too late, you are dead]
"Is that the baby's crying?" = Stand up and go lull to sleep the baby
"I'm not yelling!" = Yes I yell, becouse it's important.

[glen]

Here's today's joke via email:

Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don't know," says the guy, smiling, "How about nuclear power?" "OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff -- grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea" "So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you clearly don't know *****?"

--- ---

Then using the above to get the google search phrase:

joke blonde "know *****"

one obtains 28,000 links to jokes, which we can start repeating 1-by-1 here. Such as:

Q: What do you do if you're attacked by a troupe of circus performers?











A: Go for the juggler.

... and ...

So you all know that some women don't shave under their arms, right? So a certain woman goes into a bar and stands at the end of the bar trying to get the bartender's attention. She waves her arm and a drunk halfway down the bar calls out "Hey bartender! get that little ballerina a drink!" A little while later and the woman would like another drink so again she waves her arm trying to get the bartender's attention, again he does not see her and again the drunk down there call out "Hey bartender! get that little ballerina another drink!" This happens again and the bartender asks the guy, "how do you know she's a ballerina?"

The drunk says "any lady who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina."

--- ----

which is to say this joke posting can be the pits

[helene_t]

Gpm_bg, on Jan 26 2007, 02:43 AM, said:

"Yes" = No
"No" = Yes

Sorry but I fail to appreciate this joke.

[inquiry]

In light that next week is super bowl week, I will share this one.... which explains football.


Football explained by a Newbie

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."Dumbfounded, her date asked,"What do you mean?"She said "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!

[temp3600]

helene_t, on Jan 26 2007, 07:11 AM, said:

Gpm_bg, on Jan 26 2007, 02:43 AM, said:

"Yes" = No
"No" = Yes

Sorry but I fail to appreciate this joke.

So, you do appreciate it?

[sceptic]

I used to have a blonde secretary, I had to cut her dinner break down to 30 minutes, as I had to retrain her every afternoon when she was a away for a full hour

[helene_t]

At the StepBridge site one of my semi-regular partner's had the signature:

I'm BlonD
I like to play my own CarD

So I always said to the opps that we play her card because I have red hair.

But in fact I'm blond, I just coloured my hair red.

[macaw]

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
"So I hear you're getting married?"
"Yep!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope!"
"This woman, is she good looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Naw, she can't cook too well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
"Well, then, is she good in bed?"
"I don't know."
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can still drive!"



Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."


A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost
me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."


Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really
doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be
cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be
careful."
One more. . .!
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled
himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he
ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "Arthritis."

[luke warm]

hhahahahahahaha

[macaw]

Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and George W. Bush went
to a fitness spa for some recreation. After a
stimulating, healthy lunch, all three decided to
visit the men's room and they found a strange-
looking gent sitting at the entrance.

He said, "Welcome to the gentlemen's room.
Be sure to check out our newest feature, a
mirror that, if you look into it and say something
truthful, you will be rewarded with your wish.

But, be warned: if you say something FALSE,
you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a
void of nothingness for all eternity!"

The three men quickly entered and upon
finding the mirror, Bill Clinton stepped up and
said, "I think I'm the most intelligent of us
three," and he suddenly found the keys to a
brand new Bentley in his hands.

Al Gore stepped up and said, "I think I'm the
most aware of the environmental problems of
us three," and in an instant, he was
surrounded by a pile of money to fund his
saving the environment crusade.

Excited over the possibility of finally having a
wish come true, George W. Bush looked into
the mirror and said, "I think...," and was
promptly sucked into the mirror.

[Al_U_Card]

Everyone knows that the little dick doesn't think....it just does