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Why am I being shunned? Always rejected

#1 User is offline   Kaitlyn S 

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Posted 2016-August-11, 11:29

Hi. I'm fairly new to the site. I play 2/1 with many gadgets but prefer not to play O/E discards or Lavinthal or something bizarre that I haven't heard of. So I walk into the main bridge club, click on names until I find somebody that plays 2/1 that either cards standard or UDCA. 95% of the time, the seat partnering this person has a lock. I click on the seat, and out of maybe 500 attempts, I was only allowed to play once. The one time I was allowed to play, I had a good time, but that hardly makes up for the time that I have wasted clicking on spots and being refused.

Many times I have started my own table and requested a 2/1 partner. 90% of the time I get someone who plays SEF or Polish Club or something else foreign to me and I'm shooting in the dark, especially as very few of the players will even say anything about what they play or how they signal. I think that the "Take me to the first open seat" feature is responsible.

I am wondering if my newness is responsible for me being refused. I looked at my profile and I have a 100% hand completion rate so that isn't the issue. I list myself as Advanced and my listed conventions imply that I have some clue, so that doesn't appear to be the problem, although maybe it is. I refuse to call myself an Expert since I feel an expert is somebody that people might pay to play with, and I definitely don't qualify, although I sometimes play live with my friends with thousands of master points and nobody is unhappy to draw me as a partner (I don't do tournament bridge myself.) I have learned that others classify differently though, most "experts" do not realize that double and correct shows significant extra values. I really hope my self-classification isn't the reason I'm being shunned.

If there is some secret place where past scores are shown, that is not what is causing players to reject me, for the few times I have played with a random partner against two random opponents, my IMP score is usually at least twice theirs.

So can one of the experienced players on the site tell me why (a) all 2/1 players that play std/UDCA have to lock their partner's seat, and (b) when I try to play in that seat, I am only allowed to play 0.2% of the time?
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#2 User is offline   Kaitlyn S 

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Posted 2016-August-11, 14:26

44 views and 0 replies. Perhaps I'm being viewed as a troll or bitch or whiner. That is not my intent. I would like to seriously know how I can play with people with compatible systems.

Please don't ignore me because you think answering me would imply that you were one who shunned me. I really don't care about that and I don't remember any of the shunning usernames anyway. I would appreciate honest input about what I need to do differently in the future to be allowed to play with someone that plays a system I'm comfortable with, or failing that, how to start a table and attract partners who play 2/1 and either card standardly or UDCA. I do know that I could put locks on my seats (or maybe I can't because I'm too new to the site) but that just seems so unfriendly and I'd like a different option.
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#3 User is offline   barmar 

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Posted 2016-August-11, 15:02

I don't think anyone is intentionally ignoring you, they just don't have a good answer for you. We can't read the minds of the table hosts who rejected you. Also, it's only been 3 hours since you posted.

The large number of conventions in your profile could be a problem. Many of the people who play with randoms want to keep things simple, they just play SAYC with a few gadgets. If you want to be able to sit at random tables, you probably need to be more flexible.

While it's possible to look up a player's history on the myhands web site, a table host making the accept/reject decision when you try to sit isn't likely to have that page open.

#4 User is offline   nige1 

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Posted 2016-August-11, 15:07

Don't worry Kaitlin. Try rating yourself "expert". I play rarely on BBO but in my experience, many BBO players rate themselves as "expert" or better, and are reluctant to slum it.
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#5 User is offline   Kaitlyn S 

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Posted 2016-August-11, 15:48

View Postnige1, on 2016-August-11, 15:07, said:

Don't worry Kaitlin. Try rating yourself "expert". I play rarely on BBO but in my experience, many BBO players rate themselves as "expert" or better, and are reluctant to slum it.
.

I may try that only as an experiment to see if it makes a difference. But I'll know I'm lying :)
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#6 User is offline   diana_eva 

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Posted 2016-August-11, 15:53

It's possible that by the time you choose which table to join the seat is already taken. If the error says "Seat no longer available or permission denied" this means also that the seat is no longer free, not necessarily that you've been rejected.

#7 User is offline   Kaitlyn S 

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Posted 2016-August-11, 16:06

View Postbarmar, on 2016-August-11, 15:02, said:

I don't think anyone is intentionally ignoring you, they just don't have a good answer for you. We can't read the minds of the table hosts who rejected you. Also, it's only been 3 hours since you posted.
I thank you for having the decency to attempt an answer. While one can't read the minds of one of the 500 or so that rejected me, someone might point out why they might reject somebody. Most people who lock their seats have reasons why they would reject someone. I'd just like to hear some honest answers as to why players are rejected. If I hear those honest answers, it will help me find a suitable table in the future.

View Postbarmar, on 2016-August-11, 15:02, said:

The large number of conventions in your profile could be a problem. Many of the people who play with randoms want to keep things simple, they just play SAYC with a few gadgets. If you want to be able to sit at random tables, you probably need to be more flexible.
I would totally agree with you if I was looking to play at a random table. However, I usually click on about 50 people in the main room who need partners before finding one that appears to be playing 2/1 with similar gadgets (a pretty common set to go with 2/1.) When I find one, that player already plays most of the same things I do, so I click on the seat. After all the work of finding a suitable partner, I am then rejected. So I don't think the list of conventions should be a deterrent.

View Postbarmar, on 2016-August-11, 15:02, said:

While it's possible to look up a player's history on the myhands web site, a table host making the accept/reject decision when you try to sit isn't likely to have that page open.
I wouldn't expect so either. I am usually rejected rather quickly.

I asked the wrong question. What I should have asked is, "If you lock seats and sometimes reject players, how do you make the decision to reject someone?" I think that might be more likely to start an honest conversation than my OP which might be read as "Boo-hoo! Nobody likes me!" despite that this wasn't my intent at all.
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#8 User is offline   Kaitlyn S 

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Posted 2016-August-11, 16:08

View Postdiana_eva, on 2016-August-11, 15:53, said:

It's possible that by the time you choose which table to join the seat is already taken. If the error says "Seat no longer available or permission denied" this means also that the seat is no longer free, not necessarily that you've been rejected.

Ah, I never thought of that. It's possible that I'm just too slow to grab seats, but it seems odd that the seat is still clickable all those times.

I guess there is no way to tell the difference?
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#9 User is offline   diana_eva 

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Posted 2016-August-11, 16:15

View PostKaitlyn S, on 2016-August-11, 16:08, said:

Ah, I never thought of that. It's possible that I'm just too slow to grab seats, but it seems odd that the seat is still clickable all those times.

I guess there is no way to tell the difference?


There is a Refresh button at the top of the list, that will update status of seats free/taken, but that would reload the whole list so you'd be forced to start over. I think a more practical way to find a seat that isn't totally random is to use Help me find a game > Show interesting tables. This provides a selection of tables you'd be likely to enjoy.




#10 User is offline   Kaitlyn S 

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Posted 2016-August-11, 20:28

View Postdiana_eva, on 2016-August-11, 16:15, said:

There is a Refresh button at the top of the list, that will update status of seats free/taken, but that would reload the whole list so you'd be forced to start over. I think a more practical way to find a seat that isn't totally random is to use Help me find a game > Show interesting tables. This provides a selection of tables you'd be likely to enjoy.
I had to search for what makes a table interesting. While I agree that these tables would be enjoyable, wouldn't these players be even less likely to want to play with me? (I'm trying to see it from their standpoint also; I don't want to inflict myself upon someone that would not enjoy playing with me - I'm just guessing that most of the players rejecting me might enjoy it and I'm trying to get an honest idea of why it's happening. But I do appreciate all the responses.)
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#11 User is offline   diana_eva 

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Posted 2016-August-11, 20:45

View PostKaitlyn S, on 2016-August-11, 20:28, said:

I had to search for what makes a table interesting. While I agree that these tables would be enjoyable, wouldn't these players be even less likely to want to play with me? (I'm trying to see it from their standpoint also; I don't want to inflict myself upon someone that would not enjoy playing with me - I'm just guessing that most of the players rejecting me might enjoy it and I'm trying to get an honest idea of why it's happening. But I do appreciate all the responses.)


You're overthinking this whole table search IMO. Those tables might be interesting to you. They're just a shorter list so you won't need to wander through all of Main Club and, like you experienced, have the seats occupied by the time you've made up your mind where to apply.

You can click to join, host might accept or might not. If they reject, I'm quite sure they would not remember you 1 second later :)


#12 User is offline   diana_eva 

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Posted 2016-August-11, 20:55

For example, here's what a table host's screen might look like:

Posted Image


Three different players ask to sit in one same free seat. Host might simply check one, if he looks fine, accept and reject the others without even checking. This is a race for the host too, if host takes too long to choose someone, the players will give up and leave.

#13 User is offline   Kaitlyn S 

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Posted 2016-August-11, 21:37

View Postdiana_eva, on 2016-August-11, 20:55, said:

For example, here's what a table host's screen might look like:

Posted Image


Three different players ask to sit in one same free seat. Host might simply check one, if he looks fine, accept and reject the others without even checking. This is a race for the host too, if host takes too long to choose someone, the players will give up and leave.

I think I might be getting an answer to my original question - your screenshot was very helpful in that regard.

Probably most of the time I click on a seat, the host gets multiple entries. Since experienced users probably click faster, so they appear at the top of the list. Also those numbers, for example the 7+ on anaarepere (which mean tournament success, I'm guessing?) are going to be chosen before me. Friends of the host will be also. So it appears that what is happening is that I'm not being chosen because others are either faster or are more proven. Which is cool - at least I understand the process more now. Thanks very much for your help, Diana.

This thread might have a happy ending for me - I got two very nice invitations in my mailbox! I wasn't fishing for invites but I'm looking forward to playing with them. :)
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#14 User is offline   The_Badger 

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Posted 2016-August-12, 02:27

Hello Kaitlyn S,

Welcome to BBO and the forum :)

All the other commentators, especially Diana, have more than adequately covered all the bases except one, I feel. What time of day do you play?

When you find many players with their main systems as SEF or Polish Club, I am making an assumption that you are trying to find a partner in prime European time, as opposed to prime USA time.

Obviously, there are players from all around the world who play some form of 2/1, but the vast majority of 2/1 players, and for that matter, BBO bridge players, are going to be American. And most people, I assume too, play after work, or at weekends.

I'm sure you will find partners easily, especially if you keep your completion rate at 100%. Good luck with your bridge and enjoy.
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#15 User is offline   nekthen 

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Posted 2016-August-12, 03:54

I think that making yourself an expert would be a mistake. There are two types of expert on BBO those that are a pleasure to play with and those that are completely useless bridge players.

I may be biased as I rank myself as advanced :rolleyes:

I suggest enrolling in free tourneys and join some of the clubs like IAC and BBO fans

If you find a player you do well with, "follow" them and then ask them if they would like to partner you in casual games
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#16 User is offline   dave251164 

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Posted 2016-August-12, 05:48

Hi Kaitlyn

You might like to try Robot World - especially the Bingo Races and Robot Reward Best Hands. The Instant Tournaments (choose MP or IMPS)are also very convenient. None require any human partners. I play loads and I haven't played with a human partner in many years!
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#17 User is offline   661_Pete 

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Posted 2016-August-12, 05:58

Speaking as an Acol player, I can state that this isn't really a problem in the small and friendly 'Acol club' - but I guess you don't want to play Acol. Especially since the times when it's most active aren't really suitable for US-based players.

Another point is that in Acol there is less likelihood of conflicting or unfamiliar 'gadgets' seeing as there are fewer of them!

And I might add, downgrading yourself to 'intermediate' might be a come-on signal, however much you may feel the pain! Nearly everyone in the Acol club ranks themselves 'intermediate' and I've encountered some cracking good players there! (Also some who are - ahem - not so good B-) ). Point being, 'intermediate' looks like neither an over-rating nor an under-rating: instead it looks more like an honest rating.

Anyway, good luck with your future hunt for games!
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#18 User is offline   billw55 

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Posted 2016-August-12, 06:27

I wouldn't worry too much. It often takes me 5-10 tries to get a seat as well.

Table hosts lock seats so that they can screen players. With unlocked seats, you will get mostly weak players.

As said, in many cases you are not being rejected, just someone else was accepted first. In other cases, hosts reject players for various reasons: displayed skill level, content of profile, completion rate, total logins, flag displayed in profile, etc. Basically anything that they can see about me, they might use as a reason to reject me.

One suggestion, worry less about finding specific items in the profile. I find that focusing on flags works just as well - a USA, Canada, or western Europe flag should be usually be compatible. And most players will accept standard carding if you ask . Personally I always say no odd/even please, and nobody has ever insisted.

Admittedly I do find Polish bidding incomprehensible. So I avoid playing with Polish flags. One of those things.


View Post661_Pete, on 2016-August-12, 05:58, said:

And I might add, downgrading yourself to 'intermediate' might be a come-on signal, however much you may feel the pain! Nearly everyone in the Acol club ranks themselves 'intermediate' and I've encountered some cracking good players there! (Also some who are - ahem - not so good B-) ). Point being, 'intermediate' looks like neither an over-rating nor an under-rating: instead it looks more like an honest rating.

Maybe Acol club is different, but my experience in the MBC is that "intermediate" almost always indicates a weak player. There are a few good ones but the success rate is very low.
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#19 User is offline   rcarle 

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Posted 2016-August-12, 08:22

i think you are way too self-concious. No one is shunning you ( a very strong word you know). BBO is many different things to different people. It is nowhere as good as going to a club and playing with other people, but it offers a different kind of experience. Very few people would take the time to carefully read your profile and reject you. No one cares that much. Just go with the flow. Sometimes you will find a good table, sometimes you won't. Just leave if that happens. But you are obsessing on this, not good.
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#20 User is offline   helene_t 

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Posted 2016-August-12, 08:33

When I am host I reject well above 99% of requests so your 1/500 success rate is probably normal.

Reasons for rejecting requests:

- I planed to play with three robots as I only have a few minutes before the next meeting. I just didn't get the robots seated yet. During the 5 secs it takes to seat three robots (a lot more if I need to purchase bbo dollars first or if my connection is very slow) I often get a handful of requests.

- I am waiting for a regular partner to arrive.

- A player left and I want to ask his partner about preferences first before I look for a partner for him.

- I get a bunch of requests, accept one, reject the rest.

- We just stopped playing. I will typically get a handful of requests before I get through the "thanks opps and merry christsmas" ritual and get the table closed.

When I actually take the effort to look at the profile of the requester, I accept most of the time. I would only reject people that I have a "rude and clueless" player note on, or who has some completely obscene things in his profile. That happens very rarely.

Given the choice I would avoid "experts" unless they are gold stars or have a name I recognize from the bridge literature.
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